


August, 1979

by femmedefoi



Series: Wolfstar Challenge Prompts [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: It's not pleasant, M/M, Remus has a time of the month, Sirius misses it and feels like a jerk, We end up fluffy so it's alright tho, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femmedefoi/pseuds/femmedefoi
Summary: August has always been a magically imbued month. The last vestiges of summer slip away into fall, the transition mesmerizing muggles, witches, and wizards alike. But for werewolves, August is a different ordeal. Sirius Black knew this, but he thought this one might be different-maybe it would pass without incident. He was wrong.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar Challenge Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943122
Kudos: 37





	August, 1979

**Author's Note:**

> 11/29/2020 Update: My pal Andie'sAudio decided to make podfics out of a few of my fics, including this one! The link is [here](https://soundcloud.com/user-485145454/august-1979), check it out if you're into those!

A/N: Nothing is mine, etc etc. Notes at the end.

Monday, August 6, 1979. 8:12 PM.

* * *

As diligent of Order members as James and Sirius were, they were thoroughly displeased to have been selected for the mission Dumbledore had described.

Sure, they were honored to be chosen to go alongside the likes of Mad-Eye Moody and the Prewett twins, but couldn't this have waited a week? Or even a few days?

Remus had been putting up a front for months, but they all knew he was feeling untethered without school or a steady job. His friends sympathized but couldn't quite relate, so each had tried to find other things to connect with Remus over. It was a kind gesture, but they could all tell that it wasn't working.

Things were fine when they were all researching or planning things together, but Remus felt the ache most acutely when he began to notice the constant exclusion from regular missions. He didn't mind that his friends were selected, he just...wished he would be invited on _those_ missions rather than solely the lycanthropic ones.

This assignment wouldn't have normally been an issue. As it was, the mission itself _wasn't_ the issue: it was the timing. It was Monday night now, and the full moon was tomorrow. Dumbledore hadn't been overly forthcoming with information, but he'd heavily implied that it would be overnight, if not a two-day assignment. Which meant Sirius and James would be missing Remus' transformation for the first time in years—since they'd become animagi, in fact. As soon as he'd heard the timeline, Sirius had exchanged a knowing look with James and cringed. It was bad enough to be missing the moon—they both felt guilty about that—but Sirius had another reason to balk at the idea.

A few years back, while they were still at Hogwarts, Remus had stayed up late one night to talk with Sirius about his transformations. Sirius made a joking comment about the night before having been wilder than usual, and Remus sighed before launching into a quiet but fierce complaint.

"The August transformation is the worst of them all, Pads. It's something about transitions—it's betwixt and between, not quite summer anymore, but not yet fall. My senses already heighten before the moons, but in August I can barely stand to focus until it's passed. And even then, it's the worst of the transformations, so that's barely a consolation."

He'd paused there, before moving a hand to his temple gently and mumbling, "That's where this one came from. My first August as a wolf."

Sirius' eyes had widened as he gazed at the scar on his boyfriend's face. They'd spent the rest of that night wrapped in the countless blankets on Remus' bed, Sirius pressing tender kisses to whatever part of his boyfriend was accessible while fervently promising that Remus would never be alone for a transformation ever again.

Coming back to the present as he sat in the Order meeting, a sinking feeling bloomed in Sirius' stomach as he thought of the conversation he'd be having when he returned home. Remus would likely forgive him for breaking his promise, but Sirius wasn't entirely sure that he'd be able to forgive himself. He took another drink and grimaced.

* * *

Monday, August 6, 1979. 10:28 PM.

* * *

Five minutes of tense silence permeated the flat following Sirius' declaration. Sitting at their table, Remus finally spoke, resignation coloring his words and tone.

"It was bound to happen eventually, you know."

"What's that supposed to mean, Remus?"

"It's just," he paused, gesturing aimlessly as he continued. "Forever isn't ever _really_ that long. Paradise always has to be lost again, doesn't it?"

Sirius stared on in shock, unsure of where to begin in response to that comment. Remus took the burden from him instead.

"It's not a problem," he stated, despite the obvious anxiety written on his face. "After all, you said I'd have Peter here, right?"

Sirius nodded too quickly, eager to reassure Remus that he'd done the best that he could.

"Then I'll be fine. Come on now, you need to pack," Remus stated resolutely, sending his now-cold tea over to their sink and standing with a wince.

Sirius watched him cautiously before following to their bedroom, wondering how to apologize for the pain he _knew_ he was about to cause. While debating between refusing any Order assignments for the next two months or purchasing Remus a lifetime's supply of Honeyduke's chocolate, Sirius paused. If this was how Remus felt all the time, it was a true wonder that he had held it together as well as he had at Hogwarts. His heart twinged a bit at that thought, so he shook it off before walking into the bedroom.

Sirius found his boyfriend collecting the 'Mission Essential' items Sirius had strewn around the room after his and James' last assignment. Remus folded Sirius' things carefully, treating every item with a certain reverence as he arranged them atop the lone dresser.

"You know I'm hopelessly in love with you, right?" Sirius stated from the doorway.

Remus turned around and smirked. "Well, I should hope there's not another bloke, given that I'm the one folding your dirty trousers."

Sirius blushed before moving to hug Remus. "I mean it, Remus. I didn't want to do this—if I'd have had any real say, I would've declined the assignment, you have to know that."

Remus spun around and grabbed Sirius' upper arms, wanting to see his face as he spoke.

"Sirius, you don't have to apologize. There's a _war_ going on." He paused, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm far more worried about you and James. You said Moody is joining you?" And that was that. Remus had disarmed Sirius' guilt and pivoted the conversation, all in one breath.

So they talked until the sky lightened again, a dusty pink silhouetting the two as they lay facing each other in the bed. Remus began yawning and Sirius took that as his cue to leave. He'd almost made it out of the bed when Remus reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"Be safe, 'mkay?" he mumbled, causing a smile to tug at the corners of Sirius' mouth. He loosened his arm from Remus' grasp and entwined their fingers together instead, squeezing tightly.

"Of course, Re. Somebody's got to come back to make sure you remember to eat and sleep in between all of the books you read."

Remus smiled, a hazy sort of thing, and Sirius' heart swelled. He untangled their hands before bending to place a kiss on his boyfriend's brow. Remus tilted his head towards Sirius, then snuggled deeper into the blankets.

"Love you, Siri," he whispered before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

* * *

Tuesday, August 7, 1979. 5:03 PM.

* * *

When he woke, Remus was sore. His arms protested as he pushed himself up out of bed, looking around the empty room. Shadows were hitting the desk, a clock tower was echoing in the distance, and Sirius' chintzy muggle alarm clock was ringing. _Early evening, then. That explains the nausea, I suppose,_ Remus thought. Moving to the kitchen to make a mild tea, Remus noticed a parchment roll laid upon the windowpane. It bore evidence of Peter—torn edges, ink smudges, a hint of a stain on the corner—and Remus hesitated before opening it carefully.

" _Sorry Moony, I might be a bit late tonight._

_My Uncle Tom is in town and the whole family is going out to celebrate something—a cure for some common malady or something? I don't quite remember...I'll try to get away as quickly as I can, but you know what families are like. I'll be there eventually though, I swear._

— _P"_

Remus sighed before abandoning his mug. He sat at the table and after a cursory glance to ensure that he was alone, placed his head into his hands. He felt his heart rate speed up first, and then his breathing. Before he'd had time to rein in his emotions, Remus was crying. Gasping breaths shook his frame and when he lifted his head, he saw that his hands were trembling too. He'd known for a long time that this day would come, but he hadn't expected it so soon. Remus sat there for longer than he would've liked; a slightly unpleasant tingling feeling became obvious when he stood again. He could hear his neighbors down the hall— _must be date night_ , he mused as he caught snatches of Doris Day between their voices. He winced, their mild discussion too harsh for his senses.

He hurt. More so than usual.

August moons were the hardest, he knew that, but he always managed to block his memory of the previous year's transformation. If the waves of unadulterated pain radiating behind his eyes were any indication, however, he wouldn't be doing so tonight. He half-heartedly rifled through the freezer to see if there was something cold to eat, since he could practically feel his insides burning. Unless he wanted to chew on ice, though, he was out of luck. The thought of that noise made Remus' stomach turn, and he rushed to the bathroom.

 _Too much to ask for a sound mind_ _ **and**_ _body, was it?_ He wondered as he gingerly lowered himself next to the toilet and leaned his head against the wall. He sat there for a while, taking shaky deep breaths and pinching the bridge of his nose, before realizing that it was getting too close for him to stay at home. Standing up haltingly, he turned on his heel to leave.

The gyroscope, a recurring portkey set up a year before with a tricky bit of spellwork from him and Sirius, was glowing a faint blue on the shelf where it sat. Placing his wand carefully behind the spherical toy, Remus raised his hand, closed his eyes, and disappeared.

* * *

Wednesday, August 8, 1979. 6:39 AM

* * *

Sirius was dead on his feet when he walked into his and Remus' flat. He had been awake for 56 hours and was ready to crash in bed with his boyfriend and sleep for a year. Speaking of Remus, he'd been tempted to wake him up immediately upon arrival but remembered at the last moment what day it was and turned away from the bedroom door. Instead, he settled on their sofa. In an attempt to block out the images from the previous evening's dueling, Sirius let his mind wander. He lazily gazed at the sparse decor in their living room, his eyes landing on a portrait of the Marauders from Hogwarts. A thought of Remus' solitary transformation made him frown, and Sirius resolved to check on his boyfriend when he next woke. He drifted off, concerned about Remus, but too exhausted to be awake much longer.

* * *

Wednesday, August 8, 1979. 6:39 AM.

* * *

Remus wondered why he wasn't dead yet, and how. He'd awoken to more pain than he'd experienced in years and for all his attempts to discern what had happened the night before, he couldn't. Bloodied arms were shockingly unreliable supports, he'd realized when he tried to sit up earlier. Flashes of images came to him as he laid sprawling on the ground, but the most he was able to remember was that Peter had never shown.

" _I might be a bit late,"_ he'd said _, "I'll be there...I swear."_ Remus laughed bitterly and then choked almost immediately—had he bitten his tongue straight through? _Merlin, that hurt._ He closed his eyes and took a moment to assess his current state.

From what he had seen, there was blood, well...everywhere. That didn't bode well. He thought back to his arms and tried to recall if they were merely covered in blood (and wasn't that a lovely thought to have so casually?) or if they had been injured. He couldn't remember. He wished Sirius was there—even if he couldn't help, Remus' boyfriend would've at least calmed him a bit. As it was, Remus was alone and panicking.

He needed to know what the state of affairs was, he needed to get up, he needed to open his eyes.

So he did.

The sky was barely blue, and Remus was even more worried now. _What time is it? I need to get out of here._ The anxiety was swelling in his chest, his breath catching before it could reach his lungs, and his heart racing wildly.

 _You need to get_ _ **up**_ _, Remus. You need to sit_ _ **up**_ _,_ a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like James said. Wincing as he did so, Remus forced himself to an upright position on quivering forearms.

 _Injured then,_ he mentally responded to his previous mental query. Now to stand, to leave. Remus shifted, hissing as he did so, and stumbled to a standing position. He looked around briefly, then a heady feeling caught up to him all at once. No one was around to see him fall.

* * *

Wednesday, August 8, 1979. 4:06 PM.

* * *

Despite his exhaustion fueled sleep, Sirius awoke almost instantly when he heard his alarm go off. Reaching over his head, he fumbled with the objects on the side table for a minute before landing on the red muggle clock and spelling it silent. Opening his eyes, he yawned before sitting up sharply and looking around.

Something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. Standing up, he narrowed his eyes at the bedroom. Of course. He hadn't seen Remus yet. As Sirius edged around the couch, a piece of parchment in the kitchen caught his eye. He picked it up to investigate and his face paled drastically. Rushing down the hallway, Sirius wrenched the bedroom door open to find the space empty. _Fucking hell, that wasn't good._

Remus never went out the day after the moon—the most movement he'd ever done was a painstakingly slow trip to the kitchen and back, and even that was only after Sirius' coaxing. He'd never have left, not on his own. Sirius didn't bother to censor his cursing by the time he'd finished checking the rest of his and Remus' flat. His boyfriend was nowhere to be found. _Shitshitshitshitshit_. He needed James.

Darting to the fireplace and grabbing some powder, he'd barely shouted out " _Godric's Hollow_!" before thrusting his head into the green flames.

* * *

Wednesday, August 8, 1979. 6:13 PM.

* * *

"Fuck! Moony, what the hell happened?" A shout came from behind Remus as he came around hesitantly. "Are you okay?" Footsteps approached, and the voice was suddenly above him.

"You shouldn't look this fucking bad, Moony. Moony? _Shit_. Moony are you with me? You've got to be with me, Remus, I can't fucking—I Moony, I—fuck this looks bad. _James!_ Could use your help here!" The voice was frantic now, and Remus felt hands hovering around his shoulders and face as another set of footsteps draw closer.

A new voice rang out, and Remus felt a wave of magic roll over him.

"Sirius, calm down. I'll take a look at Remus, you sit over there and _stay put_." A peculiar feeling came over Remus and the voices faded out again.

Foreign hands were running over Remus' body when he awoke next. He groaned, and they stopped their movements almost immediately.

"Remus? You with us, mate?" _That sounded like James._

"Is he okay, Prongs? Did he wake up, did he move?" _And Sirius. Merlin, he wanted Sirius._

Another groan as the hands ran over a fresh wound.

"James, cut that out, can't you see it's hurting him?" Sirius' voice was desperate and pleading, and Remus wished his eyes would open so he could reassure him that everything was alright. It wasn't though, he knew that.

Based on the oddly warm feeling spreading across his body, James was still performing some rudimentary healing spells over whatever injuries Remus had incurred the night before. His stomach felt tight, and he seemed to be compulsively swallowing to try and wet his throat. The hands paused near his collarbones and Remus flinched at the sudden loss of contact when they moved away.

A smacking noise followed.

"Bloody hell, Sirius, _stop it!_ " Let me finish and then you can hover all you want. _Merlin_. I told you to calm down, didn't I?"

James' hands returned, with more hesitation and restraint than had been there before. Remus started stirring on the ground, and he felt his friend lean in towards his head.

"I don't know if you're awake yet, mate, but if you are, it might help to open your eyes," James whispered, before casting another spell that sent Remus' body into a trembling state.

At last, Remus' eyes flew open, darting around to different spots in the sky. He tried to turn his head, but he seemed to be held in place by something, a spell maybe? Hurt and trapped and anxious, his briefing hitched, and he saw James come into his field of vision.

"Thank Merlin you're awake, Moony," he said quietly with a relieved look on his face. He looked into Remus' eyes and identified the fear present before continuing.

"I'll let up the body-bind charm now, alright? Just...Relax. Take a few deep breaths."

A whispered spell reached Remus' ear and he snapped his head around to the other side.

"That you, S'rius?" he slurred out. Immediately another hand was present, this time on his face, cupping it gently. Remus leaned into the comforting touch gently, and Sirius laid on the ground beside him.

"I'm here, Remus. I'm right here," Sirius choked on his words, "and everything's going to be just fine, alright? Everything's going to be okay, I swear it."

He stroked his thumb over Remus' cheek carefully, and Remus' eyes fluttered closed again with a quiet exhale. "We've got you, Rem. We've got you."

* * *

Wednesday, August 8, 1979. 10:15

* * *

After arriving back at their flat, Sirius called Madame Pomfrey while James carried Remus to the bedroom and placed him gently on the bed. The two boys had done the best they could, but Remus in this state was beyond James' slightly-better-than-average healing knowledge. They sat in tense silence while the nurse looked after their friend, Sirius obsessively pulling at a loose thread on his jacket while James ran a hand tiredly through his hair. Both of them pointedly ignored looking at the blood on their hands, and neither of them moved to clean the mess they'd left in their wake upon their return.

A few minutes later, Madame Pomfrey emerged from the bedroom with a few quiet words for James and a sympathetic look towards Sirius. As she disappeared into the flames James turned to his friend, grabbing Sirius' hand to pull him off of the sofa and guide him to the bedroom.

"Alright, Sirius," James said once they'd entered, "Pomfrey said she's done what she can. All we can do now is keep an eye on him and let him rest."

James sighed and Sirius suddenly remembered that his friend must've been nearly as tired as he was.

"You can head home James, I can handle this. I—I shouldn't have dragged you into this, I just panicked when I couldn't find him, and I didn't know where to look, and I—"

James cut Sirius off, drawing him into a hug. "Pads, I would go to hell and back for you, or Remus, or even Peter, the little _shit_ ," he ground out as he felt Sirius tense in his arms. Pulling back, he stared firmly at his friend's face, waiting for Sirius to make eye contact before he continued.

"You're my _brother_ , Sirius. I love you—I'd do anything for you. Just like you would for Remus." A soft smile made its way onto James' face as he saw Sirius' eyes grow wet. "I am dog tired though, so if you think you can handle it I'll head back to Lily."

Sirius nodded, still too tense to smile at his friend's joke, and James pulled him close again. "Let me know how he is when he wakes up, alright?"

Sirius waited to hear the sound of the floo before dropping into the chair beside his and Remus' bed. He stared at his boyfriend and for the first time since Saturday, Sirius felt like he could finally breathe properly.

Gazing at his boyfriend, Sirius wondered how someone as tall and lanky as his boyfriend could possibly look as small and fragile as he did at that moment. Remus was curled in on himself, carefully arranged under blankets on the left side of the bed as if he was sleeping contentedly. The angry gash across his eyebrow and the pained expression on his face, however, belied this notion.

Sirius wished he could do something, anything, but instead he just watched Remus' face shift slightly in sleep. He was desperate for his boyfriend to wake up—he needed to apologize, wrap Remus in a hug, and never let go. Before he knew it, Sirius was crying in the chair, shoulders shaking as the weight of his actions hit him.

He had left his best friend, the only person he'd ever loved, alone and hurting on the hardest night of the year. He'd known it would hurt Remus, and he'd done it anyway. How was he supposed to walk back from that?

Sirius couldn't. He knew that he couldn't. This was Remus. A boy who'd been marginalized his whole life, who had always felt like an outcast, who had been _there_ for him when his life was falling apart—even when Sirius had been an absolute prat to him and the others.

Remus had always been so damn reliable, and it was the biggest honor of Sirius' life to get to call such an amazing man his. But here he was, touting his loyalty to his friends and leaving the most important person to him alone.

He left him alone. Again. Like that idiotic prank. But worse, because Sirius had _promised_ him. How the hell could he look him in the eye again, when he'd left him all by hims—

"S'not nice, I don't think," Remus mumbled, cutting off Sirius' anxious thought spiral. Sirius' head shot up and he stared at his boyfriend in shock.

"Remus?"

The bed creaked quietly as Remus curled tighter into himself, clearly in the midst of an unpleasant dream. As Sirius watched, Remus' eyebrows furrowed and his frown deepened. Sirius moved forward to grab his boyfriend's hand when he heard a whimper. _Oh Remus._

He turned off the small lamp on their bedside table and walked to the right side of the bed. The older boy hesitated for a moment, before climbing underneath the blankets and laying on his back. Remus was shaking, Sirius discovered, and his heart sank. Another whimper came and Sirius moved his arms around his boyfriend and gently pulled him close. He leaned his head down to rest just above Remus' and began whispering.

"Rem, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, leaving you alone like that when I know what August is like for you," Sirius intoned. He'd begun stroking Remus' hair gently and smiled as the boy relaxed in his arms.

"You're the best thing I've ever had, you know that? I wouldn't…" he trailed off, "My life would be so different if you weren't a part of it. I don't know where I'd be, and I don't know what I would've done without you." He paused again as Remus shifted in his arms.

"When we found you, I thought you were dead, Remus." Sirius choked out, tears flowing again as he remembered the terror he'd experienced when he'd seen his boyfriend motionless on the ground.

"There was so much blood, Remus. So much! You weren't answering me, but then I saw your chest move and I thought maybe you would be okay but also...what if I were to lose you right then, right there?" Sirius stopped to take a shuddering breath and squeezed Remus a bit tighter.

"I don't know how to live without you, Remus." Sirius had closed his eyes and was breathing through his nose carefully now, trying unsuccessfully to stop his crying when he heard a mumble come from beside him.

"Rem? Are you alright?"

"Say that again and I'll throttle you," came Remus' raspy voice at last. Sirius looked down at his boyfriend, whose eyes were opened ever so slightly and aimed at him.

"Remus, I—" the boy in question shifted to face Sirius and winced before opening his eyes fully and repeating himself.

"Say it again and I'll throttle you, you absolute idiot. I love you. You don't get to give up on life. I won't have it." Sirius' tear-stained face broke into a grin at Remus' attempt to be firm.

"Whatever you say, Moony."

"Now hug me properly, will you? I happen to be very tired, and I'd very much like to be sleeping in the arms of my boyfriend rather than awake and in pain right now."

Sirius snorted at Remus' directness but acquiesced. "Never again, Remus, I swear it," he repeated as he positioned himself properly around his boyfriend.

"Whatever you say, Sirius. I trust you," Remus murmured as he buried his face in Sirius' shirt.

Sirius held Remus tight, whispering "I swear it," over and over until the words didn't mean anything anymore. When dawn broke, the two were still wrapped in each other, a tangle of arms and legs whose hearts beat in synchrony.

And when Remus discovered a letter qualifying him for a lifetime of chocolate later that week, and Sirius found himself the recipient of four new bruises up and down his clavicle, there were no complaints from either party.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know...A wolfstar fic? Coming from me? Your resident Fremione shipper? 
> 
> I participated in a fic challenge for defectivetalos and somehow managed to finally write a fic for my second OTP (Whoops? Sorry it took me so long?) 
> 
> Anyhow, there's a few of these coming, but they'll all be in this series. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
